Not Alone Anymore
by LiesAintWhite
Summary: Rory is in an abusive relationship with Dean, and is ready to take her own life when Jess steps in. Will he be able to help her turn her life back around? Rated M for language and subjects listed in the warning that follows. Warning: Contains abuse, suicide, and cutting. Please do not read if you are easily triggered.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first published fanfic, so please feel free to give me constructive criticism! This story contains themes of abuse, suicide, and cutting, so if you are easily triggered, please don't read. :) It may take a while, but it will be Rory/Jess pairing.

I met his eyes across the diner. His gaze no longer seemed disinterested; in fact, his eyes now looked confused. Jess lowered his order pad, resting his wrists on the counter, looking deeply into my eyes. I looked down at my coffee, smiling and nodding at some joke mom had made. My mind wasn't on our conversation.

"Ror?" she said, sounding concerned. "You okay hon?" She removed her hand from cupping her mug, and rested it on my wrist.

I met her eyes. "Yeah, sorry Mom. I'm just tired and distracted."

"Is Paris bugging you again? Maybe _you_ should be going on this trip to the spa with grandma!" A teasing grin spread across her face, and I chuckled.

"I think it'll be good for you and Grandma. When was the last time you two actually spent time together, outside of Friday night dinners?" I replied. "I've got to get to school, have a good weekend, Mom." I placed a light kiss on her cheek before putting on my backpack.

"Love you, kid. Remember to have fun this weekend, while Mommy is gone!"

I was so thankful Grandma had called mom with those certificates for a spa weekend. Because the spa was a few hours away, Grandma had proposed that they leave Friday afternoon, spend the night some fancy hotel in the area, and go to the spa first thing in the morning. Mom would be gone until Sunday evening. When I got home from Chilton, I would have the house to myself, and I was looking forward to a nice, quiet weekend.

School flew by with minimal hell from Paris. That is, until she discovered she had gotten an A-minus on a test.

"Gilmore, you need to help me study," she insisted. I promised her that I would help her on Sunday if she was still having trouble with the material.

When I got home, I went into my bedroom. I unloaded my books and hung my backpack on a hook on my door. I sighed and sat down at my desk. Opening a notebook, I put a pen to the blank page. "How do I even start to write this," I wondered aloud. I sighed, stood up, and started unbuttoning my uniform top. If I was going to do this, I may as well be comfortable. Slipping the shirt off, my reflection caught my attention. The mirror told me that some of the bruises were starting to heal. What the mirror didn't know, though, was they were very much still present. Maybe not physically, but I was still hurt.

I finished changing into a pair of sweat pants and a Harvard sweatshirt. Pushing the sleeves up to my elbows, I examined the knot that held the bracelet Dean gave me around my wrist. I doubted I would be able to get it off without the aid of a knife or scissors. Returning to my desk, I pulled my left knee up to my chest, pulling it close with my arm. My right hand returned to my pen, intending to start writing. After five minutes, and no words coming out, I threw the pen down. Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry. My foot slipped off the edge of the chair, falling to the floor with a thud. Instead of staying in my room, I decided it would be better to get out of the house. Grabbing a small bag, I shoved my notebook and pen inside. I slipped my feet into a pair of flip flops and walked aimlessly into town. It wasn't until I found myself at the bridge that I noticed how tired I felt.

I sat down, my feet dangling inches above the water. Pointing my toes, I dipped part of my foot into the cold, algae-filled lake. The temperature made me suck in some air. It should've been uncomfortable; it _was_ uncomfortable, but I repeated the process with my other foot. I continued the process until my toes had become accustomed to the ice-cold water. Sighing, I laid back across the bridge. Once again, I looked at my notebook. Instead of studying a blank page, though, I flipped to the first page. "Mom; Lane; Grandma and Grandpa; Dean; Paris?; Jess?" Well, I certainly was confused. How does one even begin a suicide letter? I mean, maybe it would be easier to write one global letter for everyone, and just leave it like that. Maybe specialized letters would be too difficult.

"Hey," a voice said, causing me to jump. I shot upright, looking over to my left. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"Jess," I said, quickly closing my notebook and returning it to my bag. I quickly got to my feet. "I have to go."

"Wait, I've been wanting to talk to you," he said, "I promise it won't be long." Sitting down, he handed me a copy of a book. "I thought you might find this useful."

Looking at it made me realize that it was a self-help book. "Why are you giving me this?" I was puzzled, but I squatted down next to him. It seemed to just be a generic self-help book; something that would be used as a textbook in a psychology class of sorts.

"Look, I don't know any details, but you've changed. I know I haven't been here long, but for a while, I thought that we were becoming friends. Then you started pulling away, and the shine went out of your eyes. Luke mentioned something about you going to some private school for smart kids, so I figured maybe the stress was getting to you or something." He shrugged. "If you're depressed or something, this might help."

At first, I was caught off guard by the fact that Jess had said so many words. "We were friends," I whispered, looking at the book in my hands. I bent the paperback back and forth.

"I just thought this could help." He repeated.

"I'm not depressed," my soft voice insisted… My throat was closing up and stinging. My eyes burned.

"Okay." Jess replied. He picked up a stick and dragged it through the water.

I stood up abruptly, feeling the tears about to spill out. "I should go."

"See you."

A sad smile crept across my face as I walked away. He wouldn't see me ever again. Nobody would.

When I finally reached the house, I went inside, making sure the front and back doors were locked. Stars Hollow was a safe town, but I needed to insure I wouldn't have any unwanted visitors. "If you're depressed or something, this might help," Jess's voice repeated in her mind.

Placing my bag on the kitchen table, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. The phone rang, pulling me out of my thoughts. I listened to it ring, until it clicked over to voicemail. "Hey, we're not here, we have lives, get over it," Mom's voice said before the beep.

"Rory, its Dean. Its five fifteen, and you haven't answered any of my calls or beeps," the machine said, prompting me to look over at the counter at my pager. "Call me back." He sounded frustrated. Great.

I rolled my eyes and walked into my bedroom. Looking in my dresser, I dug out my bathing suit and a small repurposed make-up bag. "Maybe I shouldn't leave a note at all," I momentarily thought, but I knew I would leave a note. My mom deserved that much, especially if she had to be the one to find me. I had figured it all out, though; I would do it in the bathtub so the hot water would keep my blood flowing and she wouldn't have a mess to deal with. I would be wearing a bathing suit to prevent any embarrassment that may happen if my mom found me naked.

Slowly, I put the items on my bed before going back to my notebook. I scribbled out, "I'm sorry. I thought this through, though, and this is what's best. It isn't your fault. I just can't anymore. I love you." I decided I would tape it to the bathroom door, so that she would see it before she found me. The note wasn't as eloquent as I had hoped, but it served its purpose, I supposed. I tore the page out of my notebook, before putting the notebook and my bag back in my room.

Swimsuit, make-up bag, note, and tape in hand I started my trek to the upstairs bathroom. My trial run, so to speak, had to be tonight. I hadn't cut myself deeply before. Only enough to take the pain away. I had to have other chances in case I screw up the first time. If I woke up the next day, I could re-strategize and try again.

I felt tired, but all I had to do was remind myself that I was almost done. My items had been placed on the bathroom vanity, the note was taped to the door. I unzipped the make-up bag, emptying my blades onto the counter. Some were rusting blades from pencil sharpeners or shaving razors. There was one pack, though, that was unopened. A small, unmarked box, still taped shut. Those were the scalpels I had ordered off of Amazon. It was amazing to me how you could buy just about anything online.

Just as I was preparing to change out of my clothes, I heard a frantic knock at the door. Paris's voice was calling for me. "Rory! I know you're home!" I momentarily debated between answering the door and ignoring her. Guilt overtook me, though, knowing that I wouldn't be around to help her on Sunday like I had promised. Grudgingly, I went downstairs, opening the door a crack.

"Hey," I said, making my voice sound rough. Paris was scared of sick people; if I could fake it well enough, she would go away. "I think I'm coming down with something… I know you don't like germs."

Paris pushed her way inside anyways. Her arms were loaded down with books. "Please, you were fine earlier in school. You need to help me." She went on to inform me that she kept getting certain stages of cell reproduction confused.

I sighed. My plan would have to be put off for a bit. "Fine," I replied, "you get an hour." I looked at my watch, and noted that it was five-thirty.

Paris and I sat on the couch, her books spread on the coffee table. After fifteen minutes, the phone rang again. "If you answer that, that doesn't count towards my hour!" Paris insisted.

"I'm not answering it," I replied. "Let's focus."

Dean's voice came across again, "Damnit, Rory! Pick up your goddamn phone or, so help me God, I'll-" I jumped up and hit the silence button on the answering machine before he could finish his threat. I hit a button to make the machine remain silent should anyone else try to leave a message, to prevent another potential awkward situation.

"Is everything okay in fairytale land?" Paris asked, almost sounding concerned.

"Yeah," I replied. It was best to avoid making excuses or giving explanations that could lead to further questioning. "Now, where were we?" I returned to the couch.

Around a half-hour later, Paris leaned back against the sofa. "Does this town have any good food? I'm hungry. Can we order in or something?"

Unsure of how else to respond, I agreed. "Chinese, Indian, or pizza?"

"Chinese," Paris said. "What's good?"

Laughing, I went to the take-out drawer and handed Paris a menu with stickers next to certain items. "The ones with smiley faces are good, gold stars are amazing." We quickly formulated a menu and placed the order. Five minutes passed before someone knocked on the door.

"Is food delivered that fast here?" Paris questioned.

"No. Stay here," I instructed, walking towards the door. I peeked out through the peep hole. Jess was there with a box in his arms. "Jess," I said, opening the door, "What are you doing here?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Luke sent me with food. He said your mom is gone for the weekend."

"Oh."

"Can I come in?" Jess asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, sorry." I opened the door wider, and he walked into the kitchen, placing the box on the table and unloading containers of food. "Paris, come on. Jess brought food." We walked to the kitchen together, and Paris's eyes widened at the number of containers piled on the table. "Paris, Jess. Jess, Paris." I kept the introduction simple.

Jess dropped the empty box on the floor. "Hey, good, we have someone to help us eat all this food."

"We?"

"This looks amazing," Paris said. "Where's your bathroom? I need to take out my retainer."

My heart stopped. "Just a second, let me go tidy it up." I bolted upstairs, taking down the note and packing my blades back in my bag. I shoved everything under the sink, in time to see Paris standing at the door.

"Rory…" She seemed speechless. "Was it… Did I… Why? You're smarter than that."

Hoping that she hadn't seen the note, I asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Do you… You cut yourself?" Her face showed genuine concern.

"No. I was working on an art project." I insisted, hoping the lie went.

"In your bathroom, with rusted blades?"

Good, I thought; she hadn't seen the note. I couldn't think of what else to say. "Look, I stopped, they've just been out. See? No cuts." I showed her my forearms, thankful that I never cut in the typical 'cutter' spot.

Paris looked suspicious, but eventually nodded. "If you're sure…"

Neither of us knew how to deal with the situation, so I let her take care of her retainer and returned to the kitchen. Jess was sitting at the table, eating fries.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"Nothing." I sat down next to him, opening a container with a burger. "Thanks for this." There was a knock on the door and the guy announced that he was a delivery man. Paris called to the kitchen that she would get it.

Paris sat down across from Jess, placing the bag of Chinese on the table. "This looks great," she said.

A few moments passed in silence before Jess and Paris got engrossed in a conversation about Hemmingway. I was staring at the wall across from me, until I heard the front door open. It hadn't occurred to me to lock it after Paris got the Chinese food.

"Rory," a demanding voice called.

I jumped up and ran towards the foyer. "Dean."

"What the hell are you doing here? Why haven't you answered any of my calls or pages?" He firmly grabbed my wrist, pushing me up against the closet door. After a couple seconds, I hadn't answered. "Well?" he demanded, "You deserve to die, you rotten piece of shit bitch." He growled, slapping me hard. The sound echoed in the foyer.

"Hey!" Jess said, pulling Dean away. Paris stood in the archway to the kitchen, looking shocked. Dean got a good punch in, busting Jess's lip.

"Dean, Jess! Stop!" I screamed, putting my arms around Dean in an attempt to pull him away. He turned, shoving me hard against the door again, his forearm pressed against my neck, making it difficult to breathe.

"Shut the fuck up," he hissed. "I will deal with you later."

Paris moved towards me as I slowly slid to the floor, watching Jess and Dean take swings at each other. I dissociated, and it seemed as though I was watching the scene unfold before me, rather than experiencing it. One lamp got pushed off a table, smashing on the floor; frames were knocked off of the wall, and shards of glass sprayed across the floor.

Eventually, a look of realization came across Dean. He reached into his pocket, and to my surprise, pulled out a knife. He flicked it, and the blade came out of the slot where it was stowed in the handle. Jess's hands immediately went up and he backed away, slightly hunched with pain. "Look man, put the knife away, okay?" Jess said.

"Get out." Dean said simply. "I want to spend some time with my girlfriend."

Jess hesitated, looking over at me. "No," he stated firmly. "I'm not leaving here without Rory."

Eyebrow raised, Dean moved towards me. He firmly grabbed my chin, and yanked it so I met his eyes. "Bitch, are you cheating on me with Jess?" I shook my head. "Then tell him to leave. Tell him to leave and I won't hurt you." Dean must've caught onto the fact that Jess wasn't going to leave if I was in danger.

"Jess," I said, trying to keep my voice even. "I think you and Paris should go."

Without saying a word, Paris scurried to the living room, gathering her things. "Bye Rory," she said leaving.

Jess, however, shook his head. "I don't believe that he won't hurt you."

"Jess," I said, my eyes pleading with him. I knew that the longer he stayed, the worse Dean would get. "Please." I know I sounded weak. "Don't make this worse than it is."

I could tell Jess was conflicted. He didn't want to make it worse, but he also wanted to help. "Let me take the knife." He eventually bargained. Dean handed it over, and Jess gave me one last look. I nodded, and he slowly walked out, mouthing that he would check back on me later. He looked so helpless as he limped towards the door.

Once the door shut behind him, Dean got down to my level. "What was he doing here? Are you sleeping with him, you fucking slut?"

"No, Dean, Luke sent him with food."

"You won't sleep with me, but you'll fucking sleep with him?! That low-life jackass from New York?" Dean looked livid.

"I promise, Dean, I'm still a virgin," I insisted. "I was saving myself for you." That part was a bit of a lie; but I wanted to smooth things over. I didn't expect that those words would mean I would lose my virginity right then and there, though.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The pain was indescribable. As I laid there, Dean put his pants back on. "That was good," he said, "but I could do without all the tears next time. At least I know you were a virgin, though; otherwise that wouldn't have hurt you so bad." He placed a rough kiss on my lips. "I have to go, but answer the phone next time I call."

I refused to move until I heard the front door slam shut behind him. I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to stop crying. Rolling onto my side, I pulled my knees up to my chest. Eventually, the tears stopped rolling, but I stayed laying on the floor. "At least I didn't die a virgin," I thought bitterly. After a while, I accepted the fact that I wasn't caught in a nightmare, and slowly got up. I left my pants and panties on the floor, slowly going upstairs to the bathroom. The mirror showed the reflection of a broken girl. Bruises and scrapes from the broken glass covered my body. I peeled my sweatshirt off, revealing even more bruises on my torso. Slipping my bra off, I turned the shower on. The filth had to be washed off. Knowing that Jess would be returning, I knew I couldn't work on my plan. Something told me he wouldn't be okay with my not answering the door.

The next thing I knew, someone was in the bathroom, calling for me. It was Jess; I must not have heard him over the shower.

"I'm in the shower," I called weakly, "I'll be out in a minute." I turned the water off, and slid the curtain aside while grabbing a towel and wrapping it around me. Looking up and seeing Jess, I jumped. "I didn't think you would still be in here."

"Huh." He said, staring at me. "I'm sorry," he hesitated, "I didn't know what to do. I thought calling the police would make him kill you…"

"You did the right thing." I insisted. Don't worry about it.

"He said he wouldn't hurt you."

"He didn't say that; and he didn't hurt me."

"You are covered in bruises, Rory."

Self-consciously, I folded my arms. "I fell."

"Rory."

"Can I get dressed please?"

Blushing, Jess stepped out of the bathroom, calling over his shoulder an apology.

After I put my sweatshirt on, I realized that I hadn't brought any bottoms up. The sweatshirt hid the fact that I had no panties, but didn't cover the cuts, scars, and bruises that adorned my thighs. Sighing, I gave up trying to hide from Jess. It would all be over soon, anyways.

"Rory…" he gasped.

"Please don't. I just want to go to bed, okay? I'm fine."

Jess stared at me, refusing to accept it.

"Jess… Please…"

He opened his mouth to say something, and then stopped. Then he started to say something again, before eventually saying, "I'm worried," with a cracking voice.

"Don't be. I promise, I'm fine… I just want to go to bed."

"This wasn't a one-time thing."

"No, but it was the last time."

Jess started to say something, but changed his mind. He mumbled, "So you're breaking up with him? You're going to the cops?"

Now it was my turn to be at a loss for words. I couldn't tell him the truth, so instead I nodded.

A look of relief washed over Jess's face. "Rory, that's good. I'm glad." I simply nodded. "I am here for you. I can stay the night on your couch if you want; I know Lorelai's gone and I don't want Dean coming back tonight."

"I'm fine. Really." I sighed, exhausted. Every inch of my body hurt, and I just wanted to go to bed. If I did, though, I would lose the wiggle room I had planned for, in case my suicide attempt didn't go as planned. My research told me that cutting was a difficult method to succeed with; I didn't have much choice, though.

Jess held out his arms, and before I even though about it, I fell into his arms, and tears streamed down my face. There was something in this hug that I hadn't felt for a long time: safety. "Please, can I stay?" When I didn't answer, he held me a bit away so he could look in my eyes. He hesitated before he spoke again. "Look, when Paris and I left, she told me about the blades. She said she took them, but she also found a suicide note under your sink."

I literally felt the blood drain out of my face, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Why hadn't I checked for my blades? Why did she have to be so snoopy?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Rory? Look at me." I opened my eyes. "You can't end your life." His voice cracked again, and he swallowed hard. Looking down, I avoided speaking. "Let me help you."

The sincerity in his voice surprised me. Jess was supposed to be the town hoodlum. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone or anything. A new wave of tears overtook me, and Jess pulled me back to his chest, rubbing my back while I sobbed. He slowly lowered us to the ground, so I was half laying in his lap with my legs curled close to my body.

"I'm here for you, Rory," he whispered, stroking my hair and back. We stayed in that position until I stopped crying.

The home phone rang, but Jess was the only one who registered that fact. He gently lifted me from his lap, and rose to answer it.

When I opened my mouth to protest, he said, "It's Luke. I told him to call here fifteen minutes after I left. He must've gotten distracted or something."

"You told him?"

"No. I'll explain in a sec," Jess replied from halfway down the stairs. I heard his half of the conversation, as he explained that I was having a bad night, and assured Luke that everything was okay but he may not be home for the night. I had started moving towards the main floor while he was talking on the phone. I hadn't expected to get so stiff and sore. The shower must've kept my muscles loose. When Jess hung up, he looked at me with sad eyes. "Rory, what did he do to you?" he asked, putting his arm around me to help me down the stairs and to the sofa. "You've been coming into the diner almost every day and I have never seen you move this stiffly."

Rather than answer, I pulled a blanket over my lap. I made a mental note to remember to go find some pants before I fell asleep. It was easier to pretend nothing happened than to admit that I had lost my virginity. After all, I couldn't call it a rape; I'd barely fought Dean.

Jess sighed softly, sitting next to me. "Can I bring you anything? Coffee? Food?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I think I'm going to go change clothes, though." I stood up, and wrapped the blanket around me as I slowly walked towards my room. Instantly, Jess was by my side, trying to help me. I froze when we got to the foyer, and I saw my discarded pants and torn panties on the floor.

"Ror?" Jess asked, before realizing what I was looking at. "Oh."

I snapped back to reality, snatched up the clothes, and started back to my room. "It's nothing," I mumbled. "I must've dropped them or something."

Jess shook his head, "Come on, you need to go to the hospital."

"It wasn't involuntary."

Stopping in his tracks, Jess turned me so I faced him. "You're not serious."

"I didn't fight him, Jess. It is my fault."

"Is that why you're having trouble walking? Because he attacked you?"

Shaking my head, I finished the last few steps into my room, shutting the door behind me. I leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths, before I searched for some clothes. I chose the cupcake flannel pajamas that I had gotten for Christmas when I was thirteen. They had been too big then, but Luke had seen them and thought of me. They reminded me of my innocent side.

When I left my room, I saw Jess sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked. "You're just trying to help, and I'm being a selfish bitch." I stood there as Jess looked up at me, then stood up, came over, and put his arms around me.

"Shh," he whispered. "You're not a selfish bitch, Ror. It's okay. It'll be okay." With that, I broke down yet again. I slid my arms between his and his body, clutching onto his shirt.

"I don't know what else to do," I sobbed.

"We will figure it out, Rory. I will help you. You aren't alone anymore."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jess and I had moved back into the living room couch, and he had turned on a movie in hopes of distracting me. I didn't have the heart to tell him I couldn't focus on it.

When the phone rang, I answered it in case it was Dean. "Hello?" I tried my best to sound normal.

"Rory? Hi, it's Luke. Jess told me you were having a bad night. Do you need anything?" Luke asked.

"I'm fine, Luke, thanks. Jess being here has been a big help," I replied honestly.

"Do you think I can talk to him for a minute?"

"Sure. Here he is." I handed the phone to Jess, shrugging. Jess stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"I can't come home, she needs someone, Luke." I heard Jess say. "No, Dean is the reason she needs someone." And then there was a pause. "Look, now is not the time for me to explain the situation. Just trust me." And finally, "Thank you, Luke. Goodnight."

I pretended to be focused on the movie when he came back. He put the phone on the coffee table and looked at me with sad eyes.

"Do you want me to call your mom or anyone?"

"No. Jess, you can't tell anyone."

Jess shook his head. "Rory…"

"No. Promise me. This is between us."

Jess sighed and didn't answer. I was frustrated, but at the same time, I didn't want to fight. So I dropped it for the time being. Exhaustion was taking over, and I slowly shifted so I was laying down. I tugged on Jess's shirt, hoping he would take the hint to join me in my horizontal state. He moved so that I was between the back of the sofa and him, with his arms around me. My head was resting on his arm, and again his presence made me feel genuinely safe.

Shortly, we were both asleep, only to be awoken by the phone ringing early the next morning. I woke up confused as to why I was on the couch, and why Jess had his arms around me. He slowly started stirring and reached for the phone. Out of habit, he answered it instead of handing it to me.

"Yes?" he answered in his half-awake state. "What? Lorelai, shit, Rory's here." Jess was now fully awake and I now had the phone.

"Mom?" I asked.

"So, do you want to tell Mommy why a boy answered the phone at seven in the morning?" she asked.

"Jess brought food from Luke's last night, he Paris and I had dinner and they spent the night," I lied easily. "Paris is apparently a rock who can sleep through anything."

"Paris is there? And Dean was okay with Jess spending the night?"

"Yeah, she's asleep. And mom, Dean knows Jess and I are friends."

I heard my mom sigh. "I just know he's been jealous lately. He's spoken to me a few times."

"About what?"

"About you and Jess. Hon, Dean is crazy about you and he's concerned that Jess is dangerous. I have to say, I kind of agree."

I snorted, but immediately regretted it.

"What was that about?"

"Jess isn't dangerous, Mom." Not to me, at least. Dean was another story.

She sighed. "Alright, sweets. I trust you. Anyways, Mommy's off to spend the day and night at the spa with Grandma, so wish me luck."

"Good luck, Mom. I love you. Enjoy the spa." Upon hearing her say goodbye, I hung up.

"I'm sorry," Jess said, "it was a reflex."

"Don't worry about it," I smiled, putting the phone down. My stomach growled.

"Hungry? We can go to the diner." Then, he hurriedly added, "Or I can bring something back. I'm not that great in a kitchen, otherwise-" I cut him off.

"The diner sounds great. I'll go get dressed." Jess got up in order to let me get up. I had forgotten how sore I was, but after a bit of stretching, I was able to manage to get to my room relatively easily. I slid into a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater. Rather than run a brush through my messy hair, I opted to knot it up in a messy bun. After all, it was early on a Saturday morning; nobody would question her sloppy appearance at that hour.

When I emerged from my room, I saw Jess putting the food that had been left out all night into a garbage bag. I smiled, walked over, and hugged him. "What was that for?" he asked.

"Thank you," I whispered, pulling away.

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "C'mon. Let's go get food." He dropped the bag into the garbage can outside on our way to the diner. With each step, it was becoming easier to move without being in obvious pain.

Jess and I took care not to walk too close to each other, in case we ran into Dean or anyone who may tell Dean we were together. Five minutes later, we walked up to Luke's, and I was shocked to see just how many people were there at such an early hour.

Sensing my discomfort, Jess grabbed my hand and gently led me to the stairs to the apartment. When we got upstairs, we sat down. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Oh, um, pancakes, please." I felt weird being in Luke and Jess's apartment, but it was better than being downstairs with all the prying eyes.

"Coming right up." Jess softly shut the door behind him on his way down to get breakfast. A few minutes later, he returned with coffee.

"Thank you," I said, sipping the heavenly drink.

"You're welcome," he said, smiling. "I'm going to go check on the food, but I thought you could use the coffee first." Jess's chuckle brought a smile to my face as he left again.

A moment later, I heard heavy feet climbing the stairs. Jess wasn't silent, but he hadn't been nearly that loud.

"Rory." Luke said, opening the door to his apartment.

"Luke. Hi." I replied awkwardly. Sections of my hair had fallen out of bun, and I pushed them behind my ears. I awkwardly played with the handle of the coffee cup on the table in front of me.

Luke looked like he wasn't sure what to say. "Is… everything okay? I mean, Jess hinted that something may not be so great, which is why you needed him last night, and I just wanted you to know that if anyone needs to have their ass kicked, just say the word, okay?"

A small smile crossed my lips. Luke was like a father to me. "Thanks, Luke."

He nodded, and sat across from me. Awkwardly, he asked, "do you want to talk about it?"

I blushed. "No, but thank you, Luke."

Luke stood up. "Alright. Well, if that changes, you know where to find me." With that, he left the apartment, passing Jess, who had a plate in each hand.

"Sorry, he's just concerned," Jess said. "Pancakes with extra chocolate chips." He placed the plate in front of me, and placed another plate with eggs and bacon to the side.

"Thank you, Jess… This is really sweet." After I'd eaten a few bites, I asked, "Are you not hungry?"

"Not really." Jess answered. He got up, brought a couple of glasses over to the table, and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he sat down after serving the juice and returning the carton to the fridge.

"How much did you tell Luke?"

Jess looked away. "I told him that Dean wasn't treating you well. I didn't give him any details or anything, I promise."

"Jess?" When he looked at me, I said, "Thank you. For everything."

Grinning, Jess replied, "I think you've said that before." He chuckled, "But know I'm always here. No matter what."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I knew Dean would be working from noon to five, so Jess and I spent the rest of the morning in the apartment above the diner. We talked about books and music, and before we knew it, we could hear the faint sound of the lunch rush downstairs.

"I can't remember the last time I had so much fun," I told Jess honestly. Our short conversations in the diner were always interrupted by Luke needing Jess's help, or Dean or Mom needing my attention. We had never had the opportunity to get into the thick of debates on literature.

Jess smiled sadly. "Me neither."

"Sad boy, what's wrong?" I asked, hooking my finger under his chin so he would look at me.

"Nothing," he replied.

Part of me wanted to push, but at the same time, he wasn't pushing me. It was only fair that I let this slide.

"You're smart, Rory." Jess said after a moment of silence. "I don't understand why you're with him."

It was my turn to look away. After a moment of thought, I answered to the best of my ability. "He loves me, Jess. He really does. He just doesn't always know how to show it."

"You're kidding." Shaking his head, Jess continued. "If he loved you, just the idea of seeing you hurting would kill him inside. He doesn't love you, Rory."

"But I always deserve it…"

"How? How do you deserve to get beaten up by your boyfriend?"

"He thinks I have feelings for you…" I trailed off. "He isn't exactly wrong, either. I'm a slut. I get what I deserve. He deserves someone who won't fall for someone else."

For a second, Jess looked shocked at what I had just admitted. "Rory, no. You are sixteen. You have to experience the world. You can't feel like you have to stay with your first boyfriend forever. You do not deserve to be hurt ever. No matter what."

Neither of us had heard Luke come upstairs, but when I looked up, I saw him standing in the doorway. "Luke," I jumped up. "How much did you hear?"

Luke's face was bright red. "Jess." He hissed. "Where the hell is Dean?"

Jess walked over to his uncle. "Luke, I know what you're feeling, but for Rory's sake, please don't. Not now. Right now, we need to focus on protecting her until we can figure something else out."

"Get me the phone."

"Luke, please…" I pleaded, tears in my eyes. "I don't want my mom to find out this way. I will talk to her when she gets back, okay? I promise, just please…"

Luke's hard face softened as he looked at me. "Rory," he said weakly, "You need to get help."

"Please, I can figure this out, just please don't get the police involved yet." Jess crossed back towards me, putting a protective arm around me.

Luke sighed, and pulled out a chair at the table. "What did he do to you?"

I looked back and forth between Jess and Luke. "I'm sorry, I can't…" A sudden wave of nausea hit me, and I ran to the bathroom, locking myself inside as silent sobs wracked my body.

The conversation could be heard clearly through the thin door.

"Luke, please just let her be for a while. She's really upset right now," Jess said.

"What did Dean do to that little girl," Luke demanded, banging his fist on the table.

"Luke! Stop! You'll scare her!"

"Tell me what he did, Jess. I need to know what exactly I'm killing him for."

"He… He hits her." Jess sounded like he was holding back, and Luke noticed.

"That bastard. What else did he do? What are you hiding for him?" Luke's demanding voice was terrifying.

"I'm not hiding it for his sake, trust me. I'm hiding it for Rory. She's not exactly accepted part of it."

"What. Did. He. Do? Damnit, Jess!"

"He raped her," Jess said quickly. "She says he didn't, but because she claims she didn't fight back. Luke, she's in rough shape right now. Please just let her have some time before you stir things up."

Luke was gripping the table with white knuckles. "I am going to kill him."

"Luke, listen to me," Jess said firmly yet quietly. "Rory's friend found a suicide note. Rory was going to kill herself. We need to support her and let her know that she has somewhere she can be safe. We can't go against her, because we are all she has right now."

I could just imagine all the color draining from Luke's face, and within seconds, I heard muffled sounds that sounded like someone crying.

"I know, Luke. It broke my heart… but we can help her. We just need to get through this at her pace. Now, I'm going to go check on Rory, and we are going to work out a plan. Okay?"

Still huddled on the floor in the bathroom, I was leaning against the locked door.

"Rory?" Jess called in gently. "Can you please let me in?"

I tried to speak, but I couldn't, between the knot in my throat, and my silent cries. Reaching up, I felt around until I unlocked the door. My eyes were blurred from my tears, making me fumble with the door knob for a few seconds. I moved enough away from the door so that Jess could get in.

"Hey," he whispered, kneeling in front of me. "It's okay." He hugged me tightly. "I've got you, you're safe now."

Footsteps slowly approached us, and soon I felt a large hand on my shoulder. I flinched reflexively. "Oh, Rory," Luke whispered kneeling next to Jess. He was careful not to touch me again.

"I… I'm sorry…" I finally was able to say.

The entire time, Jess was soothing me with soft, comforting words as he rubbed my back and rocked me. "Shh, Rory, you have nothing to be sorry for," Jess said.

"Rory," Luke began, "I think it would be best if you stay here, at least until your mom gets home."

Raising my face from Jess's chest, I looked at the man. "You don't have to-"

Jess cut me off. "We want to," he insisted. "When Dean is at work, we can go by your house to get some things if you want."

"I… Thank you…"

"Any time, Ror," he insisted. Jess was surprised when he looked over at his uncle and saw the man was still crying a bit. The typically gruff man looked like someone had broken his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After things had calmed down, Luke returned to the diner and I cleaned up. Jess and I were going to go to my house to pick up some clothes. Rather than walk, Jess drove us. When we got to my house, he and I walked together to my room, and he sat on my bed while I loaded my backpack with schoolbooks and a small duffle bag with some clothes and other necessities. In under a half hour, Jess and I were back in the car for the short drive back to the diner. Jess was carrying my bags when we were stopped.

"Rory," growled Dean, "What are you doing with him?" He was a good actor; he looked like he was hurt, rather than angry.

"Dean, back off." Jess replied coolly. "Leave her alone."

"You slut! You really are cheating on me!"

"I'm not cheating on you, Dean!" I exclaimed. "I'm doing nothing wrong!"

"Shut up, slut." He turned to Jess. "For your sake, I hope getting ass isn't as hard for you as it is for me."

Jess turned red with anger, and began shaking. He dropped my bags, and I put my hand on his chest. "Jess, no, calm down."

Before I knew what was happening, Luke's voice boomed, "Get the hell away, Dean, or so help me God, I will destroy you." Then, I became the one to shake. Luke could be terrifying when he wanted to be; even though I knew he was trying to help me, I was scared that I could somehow become on the receiving end of that anger.

"Rory, it's okay," Jess soothed. He had gone from angry to calm in seconds, putting his strong arms around me. "Luke isn't going to hurt you."

"Rory, I could never hurt you, I…" Luke trailed off. "I just want to help…" He felt horrible for scaring me, and I felt like dirt for being scared.

"I'm so sorry Luke, I know you wouldn't hurt me, I don't know why I'm so scared," I whispered.

Dean was standing there, watching us until Taylor stuck his head out the market's door and yelled at Dean for being on break too long. His parting words were, "Just remember that I always get revenge, bitch."

Jess picked my bags back up, took my hand, and led me upstairs. Luke softly told him not to worry about work until things got squared away with me. I felt bad, but I was thankful that I would have him with me. If Jess hadn't been there when Dean came around outside, I don't know what would've happened.

"You okay, Ror?" Jess asked once they sat on the small couch. I simply nodded, looking at the floor. "You don't need to be afraid anymore." He pulled me over so I was leaning against his chest, with one hand on my back, and the other resting on my arm.

I would have done just about anything to cut right then. It was the only way I knew to deal with things. There was no way for me to get any access to blades, though, without Jess present. The lack of control I was feeling was starting to make me panic.

"Ror? What's going on? You're breathing faster than normal, are you okay?"

Pulling away from Jess, I stood up. "I just need to… I don't know. I'm sorry. I just… Fuck!" At first, I was quiet, but in the end, I just yelled, kicking my backpack. It didn't go very far because of the weight of the books.

"Rory," Jess stood up and put a hand on either shoulder. "Rory, it's okay. How can I help you?"

Without thinking, I shoved him away backing away from him until I bumped into the kitchen table mumbling over and over, "I can't." I turned around and then ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Looking through the medicine cabinet, I found nothing. Under the sink, nothing. There was one razor, sitting on the edge of the tub. Grabbing it, I tore the plastic safety cover off, and began working my thumbnails under the edges of the cartridge keeping the razors in place. Within three minutes, I had the four blades free, and I was digging one into my arm. Tears were running down my face in streams, but I was feeling so much relief even from just the one cut, and I slowly lowered myself to the ground, my back propped up against the wall. Jess was trying to coax me into opening the door, but I was too focused on cutting to notice. I made one, then two, then three, then four more tears in my skin. In the past, I had always cut my thighs in order to better hide my wounds. Today, my forearm was easily accessed, and I needed instant relief. It was nothing like I had ever experienced before.

I watched as the blood ran down my arm, dripping from my fingertips onto the linoleum floor. It was sick how much this helped me. Somehow, I had been so focused on getting my relief that I didn't notice that Jess had stopped coaxing from the other side of the door; the next thing I knew, he was kneeling on the floor next to me, taking the blade out of my hand.

"No, Jess," I protested. "I need that!" He didn't respond, and instead gabbed a clean towel from under the sink. He wrapped my cuts, putting pressure on them hoping to stop the bleeding. "Jess." I said firmly, and his eyes met mine. "I'm fine." I unwrapped the towel and looked at my cuts. For the amount of blood that had come out initially, I was surprised by how shallow they seemed.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked evenly.

"Please just give me a few minutes, Jess? Please?"

Jess sighed, but didn't know what else to do. He kept the blade and slowly left again. I was thankful the others had ended up hidden under my legs when I sat down. Rather than make new cuts, I retraced the five that adorned my arm. After about five minutes of watching the cuts bleed for a while before making them deeper and longer, I stood up. I hid the remaining blades in different areas throughout the bathroom, so I would have access to them when I needed them. They each had a different spot, though, in case Jess looked. I also buried the broken pieces of the razor in the garbage can that only had empty hair product containers in it.

Pulling my sleeve down, thankful for the thick, maroon fabric, I stepped out of the bathroom. "I'm sorry," I said, embarrassed.

"Did you clean them? Bandage them?" Jess asked, ignoring my apology.

"I'm fine. Thanks, Jess."

"Let me see."

I was astounded. "What?"

"Show me that you've taken care of your cuts, Rory." He sounded frustrated, and that made me nervous.

"You saw more than you needed to." My voice sounded weak in my protest. It was bad enough he had seen me before, and took my blade away; was it really necessary for him to see that I'd caused even more damage?

"Damnit, Rory." He was being extremely firm now, and I backed away.

"I… I'm sorry…" I couldn't stop shaking. "I'm sorry, Dean." I said, sliding my back down a wall, prepared for the punches to start rolling.

"Rory," Jess said softly, coming closer. "Rory, I'm not Dean, I would never hurt you." It broke his heart to see the scene before him.

"He always used to tell me that…" I whispered. "That I was his everything, and he couldn't ever hurt me. But then he changed. I don't want you to change like that. I can't be here. I need to go home."

"Rory, please stay here… Just until your mom gets home, then you can go back, but I'm scared about what might happen if you go home now."

"I don't want this, Jess… I want…" I stopped. I knew I couldn't finish that sentence.

"What do you want?" Jess asked, trying to look me in the eye. I looked away.

"Nothing. It's nothing." After a short silence, I asked, "Can I take a shower?"

"Yeah, of course… Clean towels are under the sink, you can use whatever you want." Jess looked perplexed by my sudden request, but rolled with it.

"Thank you." I went back into the bathroom, locking the door again.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

My intention was not to attempt suicide in Luke's apartment. I just needed space. The shower was pounding me with hot water as I sat in the tub. I needed to calm down, and that wasn't always an easy task. Jess had scared me, but it wasn't his fault I freaked out; I was having a flashback to one of the many times Dean would hit me for whatever reason he deemed appropriate. If there's one thing I believe, though, it's that I genuinely deserved it, despite what Jess and Luke had said.

Words Dean had said were flowing through my mind; "You should be thankful that I even looked at a selfish little bitch like you." Punch. "If I didn't care about you so much, I would just leave you instead of trying to teach you right from wrong, stupid cunt." Kick. "I wish you could see how lousy of a girlfriend you are. You're fucking lucky I stick around and put up with you." Smack. "The world would be so much better off if you just fucking killed yourself." Those were the words that put suicide into my head almost a year ago. Those words came before he started hitting me.

Letting out a shaky sigh, I dropped my head to my knees. I don't know how long I was in there, but I soon felt the warm water turn ice cold. Initially, I couldn't decide if I was ready to get out, but after several minutes, Jess called in.

"Are you okay, Rory? You've been in there for quite a while…" He said from the other side of the door. His voice sounded tentative and nervous.

"I'm fine," I replied, turning off the water and wrapping a towel around me. In my haste, I'd forgotten to grab my bag with clothes.

"Your stuff is right here," Jess said. "I'll be back in the living room."

As I heard him walk away, I sighed and retrieved my bag. I pulled on a white long-sleeve turtleneck shirt and put my jeans back on over my clean underwear. My dirty clothes under my arm, I eventually emerged from the bathroom. I placed my bag and small pile of laundry against a wall, out of the way.

"Hey, Ror," Jess said, holding his arm out so I could easily cuddle into him on the sofa. "Is your mom going to call you tonight? You could use the phone here; you don't have to tell her where you are or why."

I hadn't even thought about what would happen if I wasn't home to answer her call. Still, I was unsure of how to go about handling it. Glancing at a clock, I noticed that it was already six thirty. Knowing my mom, she would have started calling me at five, when her spa activities ended.

A couple moments of silence passed, me thinking about what to do about my mom while Jess was simply unsure of what to say.

Luke came into the apartment, then. "Hey, Rory, um, your mom called, and I told her you were in the diner but it was loud, and that you'd call her back from my apartment. She was freaking out; she called the house a few times and she'd called Dean, who said he hadn't seen you all weekend."

"Oh… Thank you, Luke." I said softly, "I'll call her back."

Luke left to go back to the diner and Jess found the phone. "Do you want some privacy?" he asked, handing me the handset.

I shook my head. Taking a deep breath, I tried to get myself to sound like normal Rory. It wasn't long until my mom answered her cell phone.

"Rory," she said, sounding relieved. "Rory where have you been? Dean hadn't seen you, he said you weren't at the house. We were both so worried."

My chest and throat tightened, and tears started streaming again. "Mommy…" I lost it, and began sobbing uncontrollably. Jess pulled me into his lap, trying to rock me and soothe me. Dropping the phone, I clutched onto Jess's shirt, pulling him closer.

"Lorelai, can you come home early?" Jess asked after picking up the phone.

"What's wrong with my baby?" mom demanded.

"Please just come home…"

I could hear the tears in my mother's voice. "Is she okay? Is she hurt? Did she and Dean break up? What's going on?"

"She'll be okay, but you really need to come home."

"I'll call a cab. Do cabs even drive people to places three hours away?! Damnit, I don't care, I'll figure something out. Thank you." I could hear the disconnected tone ring out before Jess even had the chance to answer.

"Rory," Jess said softly, rubbing my back, "your mom will be here soon." I nodded, slowly calming down.

"I'm sorry," I hiccupped. "I'm… sorry…" Jess just pulled me closer, hugging me tight. I felt exhausted; drained emotionally and physically. "Can… we lay down?" I asked timidly.

"Yeah, of course," Jess said, helping me to stand up. He held my hand, walking me to his bed. "Do you want me to stay, or…?"

I sat on Jess's bed, and pulled him closer. "Please don't leave me." Looking up into his brown eyes, I saw a storm of emotions. Before I knew what I was doing, I had stood up and kissed him.

"Rory," Jess said, pulling back. "No, I don't want to do this while you're hurting." I looked away, embarrassed. "Rory, no, I… It just wasn't how I wanted our first kiss to be. You deserve to be happy, not hurting." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Come on, let's just lay down, okay?" This time, he sat down first, and pulled me over. Soon, we were both in his bed, my back pressed against his chest. His protective arm was draped around my waist. I felt stupid; why had I tried to kiss Jess? He probably didn't even like me; he probably just thought I was some pathetic girl.

Eventually, I had fallen asleep. When I woke up, Jess wasn't there. I heard him and Luke talking softly in the kitchen.

"Lorelai's freaking out but she's having trouble finding a way back here. If I go pick her up, will you be able to take care of Rory?" Luke asked.

I could hear Jess pacing. "I'm worried about her, Luke. I'm scared something will happen. Every time she locks herself in the bathroom, I am terrified she won't come out. I'm trying to trust her, but I'm scared." I hear the sound of a drawer opening, and what sounded like someone digging through it. "What're you doing?" Jess asked.

Then, I heard the men cross to the bathroom, and their voices lowered even more. "I'm breaking the lock. Jess, Lorelai needs to be here. You need to keep her safe, okay? It'll only be around six hours."

"But what if something happens?"

"Don't let it." I heard Jess take in a breath, before Luke continued. "_If_ anything happens, call an ambulance immediately."

"Okay."

"Now, go back over there before she wakes up. I'll lock the apartment and the diner behind me." Luke sounded firm."

I felt Jess gently get back into bed and return his arm around my waist. As Luke shut the front door, I stirred.

"Hey," Jess whispered.

"Hey." I replied softly, shifting so I could look at him.

"How was your nap?"

"Fine… What time is it?"

"It's almost eight. Can I get you anything? Water, dinner?" I shook my head. "Do you want to get up, or go back to sleep?"

Shrugging, I looked away. "Whatever you want."

"Luke went to pick up your mom. She couldn't find a cab. They should be here in six hours, give or take."

The idea that, soon, I would have to fill my mom in on everything scared me. "Can… can we not tell her I lost my virginity?" I asked softly. My mom would be so ashamed and disappointed. I couldn't handle that right now.

"I really wish you would consider telling her everything, but I won't push you," Jess promised. I nodded and cuddled into him again.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm thrilled with the number of view's I've gotten in such a short period of time! I've been going through and making minor edits and whatnot in grammar and fixing where I use third person rather than first. Most of those changes are so minor, though, that I probably will not re-upload the chapters. While I typically have 1-2 chapters written ahead, I am open to input on where you would like to see this story go, and how you want certain things approached. :) Thank you for reading!

Chapter 9

"Where's Rory?" Mom demanded running into the apartment. I was awake but didn't feel like dealing with anything, so I pretended I was still asleep.

Jess moved from the bed and into the main area. "She's asleep," I heard him say.

"What's going on? What's wrong with my baby?"

"Lorelai, maybe it would be best if you got some sleep. We can deal with this in a few hours." Luke suggested. "You can take my bed, I will sleep on the couch.

"No. I need to know what's going on." My mom's voice got closer, and I felt her sit on the bed next to me. She rested her hand on my shoulder. "Sweets? Are you awake?"

I rolled over and looked up at her. I tried to smile, but instead I was crying again.

"Oh, baby, what happened?" Mom pulled me up to where I was sitting and she was hugging me.

"I'm sorry, Mommy…" I said.

"Rory, you have to tell mommy what's going on."

"Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?" In all honesty, I wanted to put it off longer than a few hours… I knew she deserved the truth, though. Her eyes showed the pain and disappointment that I wouldn't open up to her.

"Do you want to go home?"

"I just want to stay here. Please?" It took restraint to not admit that I needed Jess.

Mom nodded, standing up. She left Jess's space and sat down at the table. I didn't want to see her cry, so I went into the bathroom. I faintly heard Luke trying to talk to her, and Jess had started tapping on the door.

"Ror? Can I come in?" he asked.

For some reason, I became angry. "I am capable of being alone for two fucking minutes!" I yelled through the door.

"I'm sorry," Jess said, guiltily. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I felt horrible for yelling at Jess. He had been nothing but supportive, but I was feeling trapped. Emerging from the bathroom, I slipped my shoes on as I moved across the room. "I'm going for a walk," I announced, walking out the door. I hurried down the stairs, hearing Luke instruct Jess to watch Lorelai, and say that he would try to talk to me. The last thing I wanted was to talk. I was so tired of talking.

Before Luke got through the curtain, I had been able to get out of the diner and out of sight. I needed space and time alone. While I felt guilty for evading him, I knew that I needed to have time to think about what I was going to tell my mom.

Luke had started wandering around, calling my name, but eventually gave up and went back into the diner. When he did, I went the long way around town to get to the bridge. I sat down, picked up one of the autumn leaves that had fallen, and started tearing it apart. I was angry with Jess for telling Luke as much as he had, and for not letting me be alone for two seconds. I was angry with Luke. I was angry with myself for being angry at the two people who wanted to help and protect me. I was angry with Dean for putting me in that situation.

"Ror, what're you doing here?" Jess asked, sitting next to me.

"I'm a big girl, Jess. I needed to think."

"I know you are a big girl."

"Let me make my own decisions."

Jess sighed. "That makes me nervous, after last night and earlier today. I'm scared you'll get hurt, if not by yourself, then by Dean."

"You never cared before," I snapped. "So why bother now?"

Jess gave me an incredulous look. "I have cared since we became friends, Rory. Why else would I buy you that stupid book? I wanted to _help_ you."

Looking down, I realized that he was right. "I'm sorry." I said softly.

"Let's just go back, okay?"

"I'll meet you back there. I need some time."

"Ror, it's almost four in the morning… The diner opens at five-thirty." Jess sighed.

I looked over at Jess. "You know that I need to talk to Dean at some point, right?"

"You're fucking kidding! Why?" Anger was evident in his voice.

"He's my boyfriend," I answered, shrugging my shoulders.

"What the fuck, Rory?" Jess glared at me. "What the fuck are you thinking?"

"It isn't as straightforward as you'd think."

Jess stood up, and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Fine. Whatever." With that, he walked away. He was rightfully frustrated, but he needed to understand that Dean was my boyfriend. Even though he made mistakes, he and I were in a relationship. And now, he had my virginity. That wasn't something I was going to let go of lightly. I sighed and laid back. There was a lot I needed to decide; I knew my mom, Luke, and especially Jess would want me to leave Dean, but it wasn't that simple. When I was young, I decided that I would do whatever it took to stay in a relationship with the man I lost my virginity to. While these circumstances were far from what I had expected, I knew Dean loved me. And if I am incapable of withstanding his love, I always have the option to escape the world, so to speak.

I must have fallen asleep while thinking, because the next thing I knew, the sun was shining brightly. If I went back to the diner, Luke and mom would be angry, and Jess would probably barely acknowledge me. Why did I have to say all those stupid things to him? Why did he have to find out about Dean? Jess's presence made the situation Friday night so much worse than it would have been otherwise. If it wasn't for Jess, I would have been able to go through with my suicide plan, and I wouldn't have any troubles. It no longer mattered that Jess had only been trying to help… All of my anger was turning towards him.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When I left the bridge, I decided it would be better to go straight to my house, since I didn't want to deal with the breakfast crowd. As I was walking up to the house, I saw Dean sitting on the porch with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

He stood as I got closer. "Rory, I'm so sorry. I was jealous and a jerk." Extending the flowers to me, he added, "Forgive me?"

Accepting the flowers, I lifted them to my nose. Despite the crisp, fall air, they reminded me of spring. I couldn't name half of the different flowers, but they were gorgeous nonetheless.

"I love you. I never meant to hurt you," Dean insisted. His eyes were convincing… I could never tell when he was being honest.

"You broke my heart, Dean."

"I know. But Rory, you hurt me, too. Going around with Jess like that? You were acting like a slut."

Looking down, I blushed. "Nothing was going on with Jess."

"Look at it from my shoes, Rory. It looked like something was going on."

"I'm sorry." It was easier to just apologize than to try to fight him. "Look, Dean, I've got to get some work done. I'm way behind on homework."

"Your mom called me. She knows that I hadn't seen you this weekend, so Jess had better keep his mouth shut."

"Leave him out of this, Dean. If you are angry, be angry with me. None of this is Jess's fault." I walked up the stairs, past Dean, pausing at the door before turning around. "I'll call you later."

"I love you, Rory." He held his arms out for a hug, and I relented, walking into his arms. His strong arms held me close, but rather than feeling comforted or loved, I felt nervous. "I'm sorry I had to punish you. I just hope you understand that it was for the best."

Sighing, I stepped out of the hug. "I have to go…"

"Tell me we're okay."

"We're okay. Goodbye, Dean." He kissed me on my cheek, and I went inside. I didn't know what to do; he seemed genuinely sorry. He wanted to make me understand that I was hurting him. I deserved to be hit. He loved me. Walking into the kitchen, I found a vase, filling it with water. The flowers were put in the vase, and moved to the center of the table.

Realizing that it was almost ten, I figured I should call the diner to let my mom know I was okay. After all, who knew what Jess told Luke and mom? I dialed the number and listened to the ringing.

"Luke's," Caesar's voice said.

"Caesar, is Luke around?" I asked.

"No, he is out looking for Jess. I can take a message."

"Is Lorelai there?" Because Caesar and I never talked on the phone, I assumed he didn't know who I was.

"She left a while ago."

"Thanks Caesar." I hung up, disappointed. Jess must not have gone home after he left me on the bridge, but that's probably a good thing.

Dialing the number for the inn, I waited impatiently. "Independence Inn, Michel speaking."

"Michel, is my mom there?"

"No, little Lorelai, your mother is out of town."

Deciding not to try to explain that she had returned early, I just hung up the phone. I grabbed my clothes from the foyer and went into my room. I laid on my bed, trying to figure out everything that was going on with Dean. The only thing to draw me out of my thoughts was the sound of the back door opening and hearing voices.

"I don't understand why she would just take off like that," I heard my mom cry.

"We'll find her, Lorelai. She'll be okay. She's probably with Jess." Luke assured.

Rolling off of my bed, I walked out of my room. "Mom," I said.

"Rory!" Mom exclaimed, running towards me, throwing her arms around me. "Where were you?"

"I fell asleep, I'm fine."

"Is Jess here?" Luke asked.

"No…" I sighed, looking down and away. "Jess and I had a fight. I haven't seen him since late last night."

"Rory, what's going on?" Mom asked. "Why did Mommy have to come home early? Why were you at Luke's?"

"I really don't want to talk about it." I sighed, walking further into the kitchen, sitting at the table.

"Where did these flowers come from?" Luke demanded.

"Probably Dean, he was worried after not hearing from Rory all weekend." Mom sat across from me, and Luke sat next to me.

"Yeah, Dean stopped by this morning." I mumbled.

"What the hell did he do this time?" Luke demanded. "Who does he think he is?" He shot up from his seat, gripping the table with white knuckles.

"Luke, he just gave me the flowers and we talked. I promise."

"Luke, what are you talking about?" My mom demanded. "Rory, explain."

"It's nothing."

"Like hell it's nothing!" Luke exclaimed. He started pacing, but stopped when he saw the state of the foyer. I had yet to clean up all the broken glass from the lamp and frames. "Rory." He turned back towards me.

"That's from the other day," I insisted, realizing what he saw.

Mom got up and walked over to where Luke was standing, to see what we were talking about. "Rory, what's going on here?"

I looked at Luke, silently begging him not to say anything.

"Either you tell her, or I do, kid," he said.

I glared at him, and my mom asked, frustrated, "What are you two talking about? Someone needs to fill me in, now."

Walking into my room, locking the door behind me, I heard Luke tell mom she should sit down. Seconds later, mom was pounding on my door, begging me to let her in.

"I don't want to hear it from Luke, I want to hear it from you, Rory. I'm scared! Please tell me what's going on!"

Whirling open the door, I blurted, "I had sex with Dean."

"Rory, that's not-" Luke started but I cut him off.

"I had sex. With Dean. On Friday."

Mom looked confused. "Why all the water works, was he not nice?"

Luke opened his mouth but I interjected. "I thought you would be mad at me…"

She looked at Luke, chuckling softly. "Is that why you want to kill Dean? Because she slept with him? That's really sweet and daddy-like and all, but how did you even find out?"

"Jess told him." I said.

"Wait, Jess? You slept with Dean and then went to Jess? Wait, was this before or after Jess spent the night?"

Lying was not one of my strong suits, and I could tell Luke wasn't amused. I glared at him as I said, "Look, that's what happened, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Mom followed my scowl to Luke. "Rory, why would Luke lie to me?"

I shook my head. "Just trust me." With that, I shut and locked my door again, hearing my mom ask about the broken glass in the foyer. Choosing to ignore her, I sat on my bed, and whispered to myself, "Dean doesn't like hurting me. He only does it when he has to. He must really love me to want to make me a better person." I clicked on my radio, in hopes of blocking out any conversation that may have been going on in the kitchen.


End file.
